I watch Harry Potter 8 and pretend I know the other 7 parts I haven't seen

I have never read a Harry Potter book. I've seen fragments of the movies, and I've heard the lore. I've decided to watch the final movie, and extrapolate what the previous 7 movies were about. Beware Potterheads. This will be blasphemey to you. My sources come from morning radio, internet comics, an episode of Southpark, trailers, sketch comedy, overheard conversations and some clips of the movies I've been privy to.

Harry Potter is boy with a lightning bolt scar on his head. The evil wizard council lead by Voldemort knew he was destined to be powerful, so they tried to kill Harry, but an owl saved him. One day Harry gets a message that he needs to go to Wizard school at Hogwarts. He goes to the subway and gets on an invisible train. At school he makes friends with Hermanie, and the red headed kid. He has to choose a dorm, and play a game called Skidooby (I know that's not the name, but it's the best I can think of now) on his broom.? Some guy likes to yell, "point griffindor" at these events.

At school, Harry falls into a magic book that he's not supposed to read, and discovers that this guy named Snape is out to kill him. Snape is the prisoner of Azkaban and creepy evil wizard Voldemort is the guy who frees him.? Is it just me, or does Snape look like a Voldemort, and Voldemort looks like a Snake Snape? Voldemort has a pet snake that gives him a power boost.

I'm not sure of the chronology, but there is a blonde boy named Draco who battles Harry to some duels. Draco is controlled by Voldemort, thus he's evil, but I'm not sure he wants to be. Whoever cast him did a great job, because he looks like a real asshole. Harry becomes a world class wizard during this part of the story and has to compete against wizards from other countries, for the pride of his school.

Harry's teacher at Wizard school is Dumbledorff. He's the grand wizard, until someone kills him. That person is Snape. Everyone who's ever read the internet knows Snape kills Dumbledorf. With Dumbledorf out of the way, Voldemort can control the land of wizards. Harry is lost, because his mentor is gone. None of the other teachers at the school have any idea what to do. At this point, Voldemort is immortal, and Harry has to find out how. Voldermort has to be stopped because he'll enslave all the Muggles, elves, trolls, goblins, and whoever else is fantastical. I recently learned there are Squibs. He'll control those too.

The 8th movie starts with Snape? managing the Hogwarts School. The Deathly Hallows are flying around guarding it.? There is still wizard training in progress, but it's dark because Voldemort controls the curriculum.? Harry and his friends are seeking refuge at a beach house. They have a Goblin help them retrieve a sword, guarded by goblin accountants. Meanwhile, Voldemort and Harry have shared thoughts, that have them standoff in each other's heads. They know they're going to fight, as does anyone following the story. Right before their big battle, we learn that Snape used to get with Harry's mom, but some dork (Harry's real dad) stole her away. We also learn his vengenance on Harry was actually a ploy to protect him. How about that!? Harry fights Voldemort, and someone kills the snake with the sword Harry found at the beginning of the movie. There are some wand politics involved, and then the story cuts to nineteen years later. Heremenie has married the red head kid. All along, I was under the imrpession that she and Harry were destined to end up together.? I don't know who Harry marries but she's a red head, they have a son, and that's the end.

What's my grade?