I know too much about vampires

I meant to post this on Halloween, but I accidentally dated the entry for 2007. Now that I think about it, vampires aren't just a Halloween problem. They are a year round problem.

A physics professor has come to the conclusion that vampires don't exist by applying a theory of exponential growth to their population. He argues that if they did exist, there wouldn't be any humans left on Earth as of 470 years ago.

...

Mr. Physicist says that once you're bitten, you automatically become a vampire. Then you and the original vampire will bite two people and turn them into vampires. Then the 4 vampires become 8, and 8 become 16 and so on. In a 30 month period, everyone on Earth should be a vampire.

First, this guy's assumption is wrong. You don't become a vampire if you're bitten. You only become one by drinking the blood of a vampire in a special ritual. When you are bitten by a vampire, you become a zombie vampire slave that can only create other zombie minion slaves.

Second, there are things that kill vampires, like crosses, Simon Belmong, Blade, werewolves, garlic, sunlight, and wooden stakes through the heart. If there was a vampire population explosion, the humans left in the world would protect themselves. Furthermore, a vampire can't come into your home unless you invite him, so the humans would have safe shelter.

Third, vampires need human's for a food supply. This scientist suggests that the presence of any people means that vampires aren't on the rampage. On the contrary, more people, means more food for Dracula and friends. Besides, not everyone bitten becomes a vampire. Some people are just food. Now I will admit that the Red Cross is a front for vampires to get food, but that's just in America.

Fourth, vampires are in a constant war with werewolves. They constantly kill each other off, keeping the ecosystem balanced. We need vampires to kill werewolves as much as we need werewolves to kill vampires.

I think vampires commissioned this professor to do this "research" so human's will let their guard down. I urge you all to be weary.